BP Finds Hell

   Robert Frost once noted that, “Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice.” One scenario he didn’t consider was goop. With all the apocalyptic movies and docs dramatizing End-of-the-World threats ranging from giant asteroids to nuclear war to killer bees, nobody anticipated black slime. “The Blob,” starring Steve McQueen, came the closest. But that particular Blob was pink and it didn’t threaten much beyond greasy spoon diners and horny teens at the drive-in.


    BP however, may have finally tapped Hell’s gas tank. After all, they need something to keep the fires burning down there and apparently Satan hasn’t gone nuclear. In fact, this whole event is fertile ground for Doomsday fanatics who pass their days sifting through the book of Revelation, when they’re not using it to paper the walls of their bomb shelter. Check this out…

    And the fifth angel blew his trumpet, and I saw a star fallen from heaven to earth, and he was given the key of the shaft of the bottomless pit; he opened the shaft of the bottomless pit, and from the shaft rose smoke like the smoke of a great furnace… [Rev 9:1-2]

    What’s more, Rev 13 says the Antichrist is “a beast rising out of the sea” and that “its number is 666.” We know that, with a little creative numerology, the names of everyone from Nero to Hitler can be calculated to produce "the number of the beast." What about BP?

    Well, B is the second letter of the alphabet, and P is the sixteenth. That gives us 2 + 16 = 18, which is 6 + 6 + 6!

   It’s almost too easy. You may now freak out.